Is my Son Being Bullied? Help Required

Is my Son Being Bullied

First year at high school!

When my son started high school this year, I must admit I was quite happy because he had struggled so much at primary school, A fresh start was on the cards for him at last. Now I know I still have reservations about high school, but yet I was reassured by the fact  my eldest son had got through his time there without any major upset.

Happy then Sad

Now my youngest son is a very laid back character and generally worries about nothing and I mean nothing, but more recently he has changed. I have noticed that he appears to have become a little stressed and this is predominantly before bed and before school, this is increasingly getting worse, especially on route to school, He has also started to ask for the day off, this really isn’t like him at all. Knowing our children like many parents do, I worry that maybe he is being bullied or possibly struggling with schoolwork. A few weeks ago, he started to really dislike physical education class.

The Disappearing Shoe!

 is my son being bullied

He inadvertently came home and said naively “It’s strange I have a disappearing shoe”, he then laughed. I asked him “What do you mean” and it transpired that he had actually been looking for his school shoe the entire lunch break. He had started his PE Class as normal by getting changed like the rest of the boys in the changing room, he placed his shoes down next to the rest of his clothes. When he returned, he started to get dressed and noticed his right shoe was missing, eventually he found the shoe towards the back-end of his lunch break “almost 30 minutes later” tucked in a kit bag which belonged to the school.

Not the First Time!

My youngest said that this was the second time this had happened and the week before this incident, he found a shoe tucked away inside of a toilet bowl. I mean, how low is that, luckily it didn’t get wet.Jake wanted to deal with this on his own and spoke to his PE Teacher,They  allowed him to leave his clothes and shoes with the teachers belongings. The really sad thing is, my youngest is a young minded 11-year-old and he genuinely didn’t think someone was playing tricks on him at school, which they clearly were.

Why I am, Worried!

Now every Monday when school comes around, he asks in fact begs for the day off with no real excuse. It’s really starting to make me think that maybe there might be something else going on which he is not telling me. I know he keeps things to himself (very much like my husband) and they try to cope on their own without any help from others until it usually goes wrong for them. What could it be? I have spoken to him and he assures me he is not being bullied but I know there is something he is not telling me, mainly due to his vacant look and nervous demeanor. He just usually replies “No, I just can’t be bothered with school today”. Seriously, this is really unlike him because he loves learning and reading all the time at home and at school.

Am I being Paranoid?

Could this just be his tween transition? Or do you think it could be more than that. I could do with a little guidance here because I don’t want to come across as a paranoid mummy or keep pushing my son for information he may well not have. This is the first time I have really had to worry about my children not fitting in at school, my eldest, although he didn’t like school never really had any problems.

I have spoken to the school regarding this just so they can keep an eye on him, but we all know how hard that can be I mean he is not the only child in the school and I know they can’t always focus on one child. They took everything down and reassured me I would get a call the next day, well 7 days later and I am still waiting!

So the question I ask, is my son being bullied?

Any help or advice on this subject would be extremely helpful and your experience may help me and others. 

I have written post’s on Cyberbullying and Cyberstalking, these appear to have helped many people. Unfortunately, this is my first experience of possible bullying a school!


Rachel at Umeandthekids

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Article Name
Is my son being bullied
How do I look out for the signs of bullying whilst my child is in high school, I really don't know and I am a little worried. I would love to hear your views.
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A parent to 2 teenage boys. I love to write about parenting topics, Interior design and Money Saving Tips.


  1. says

    Oh boy, I feel for you. I was here in September 2012, when my eldest started reception year. It’s such a transition for all the children to go to school full time as it is, there were a lot of unsettled children for the first six months. My son was being picked on by another boy who was going up to him and pushing him right over all the time and calling him names. This was going on for three weeks and my son burst into tears and didn’t want to go into school. When I actually saw the boy in question go up to my son and push him over. I walked, as calmly as I could, over to him and said “could you please not push my son over. It’s nasty, he doesn’t like it and neither do I. I shall be telling your mummy.” I did speak to his mother, who thought it was 50/50!!! Hmm. Anyway, I asked the school to keep an eye on things. Sure enough, they had to separate this boy from my son as he wouldn’t leave him alone. Year 1 and things are better now, although the boy is still disturbing (he told my son he wanted to kill our baby, which the school don’t seem worried about). You’ve done the right thing in speaking to the school, but I know how you must be feeling right now. You need to try and build your son’s confidence and tell him to have as many friends as possible. I hope things improve for your son. x

  2. Holly Detre says

    I am sorry you and your son are going through this, it’s so upsetting as a parent when you feel your child is being bullied. Sadly, no one other than your son will really know what is going on.

    I don’t think you are over reacting, I would also be concerned if these things were happening to my son and he didn’t want to attend school.

    I don’t think you can do much more than you have already. Your son knows you are there for him if he wants to discuss anything that’s upsetting him, so hopefully he will open up soon.

    The only other thing I can think of is that he feels insecure about his appearance, or his sports ability, and is losing the items on purpose so he can miss PE.

    Big hugs x

  3. Samantha R says

    children can be so cruel, its hard to know how much to intervene as it can often make things worse at this age. I hope everything is ok

  4. says

    I have been through this with my own son and it a real nightmare. There are no easy answers and all you can do is wait for him to tell you or (what I did) is to confide in another Mum you get on with and ask their child if they know anything that is going on.

    Maybe you could write him a letter explaining that you are worried and that he has you to come to if he has worries – this helped with my son as the letter was there for him to refer back to instead of just not concentrating on what I was saying!
    I hope you get some answers and the school should have got back to you! Shame on them! xx

  5. says

    I agree the school should have got back to you. Sounds like it could be the start of bullying and it is their responsibility to nip it in the bud. Not every parent will have been in with concerns, so they definitely do have time to look into yours. Don’t be afraid to ‘hassle’ them; it’s the right thing to do for your son. Good luck x

    • says

      I know I am starting to think schools really don’t care, this is probably because they are too busy. I will monitor his behavior over the next few weeks and hopefully his return after half term will be better. Fingers Crossed! Thank you for your comment.

  6. says

    Ahhh hunny I wish I had all the answers and guidance for you. Neither of mine are in school yet, so I can only go off my own experience of being bullied. As the one getting bullied you don’t always want to admit it or bring attention to it for fear it will get worse. I think you are doing all the right things keeping the communication open and talking about it with him in a general inquisitive way not a interrogation way. Definitely keep annoying the school about it. It’s better to be that parent that cares too much than they don’t think of it again. I let my bulliers keep bullying me without standing up for myself or speaking back which always made them come back for more I was an easy target. maybe speak to him about standing up for himself in a general way, or ask him questions like would you say something if someone was doing this one purpose casually. I wish I would have been taught how to stand up for myself and say things. I am still learning that the hard way. But I think the more casual you are with him but open the more he will come to you if it really is happening. I always think our gut is right that something is off. So you are doing amazing to care and pay attention to even his change of moods. You are a great mommy. I am so scared of my son starting school next year because he has glasses now and has deadly allergies to foods and has to carry epi pens and asthma he will be the biggest target for bullying I can imagine and this scares the HELL out of me almost enough to homeschool him. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Sorry for the novel with not much advice. Big hugs. #sharewithme

  7. says

    This is really bothering me already. My son is the smallest and youngest in his school. And sometimes when I would pick him up he wouls just cry. After some prodding hw would say that some kid hurt his fingers. I now that kid and he is way older. I am now a bit distant to other mothers because I dont know if I should tackle this or let it go as our children are kids. On a more personal personal level, I was bullied at work and went home crying and never went back to work. And now I have this vounteer job thats keeping me awake at night because I am now scared to go back at working/volunteering. I dont know who to tell. Just you, here. If your son is feeling what I am feeling I am telling you.. I just want to curl in a ball and never go out again. Talk to your son if you can. This will affect his whole being. You need to tackle this now. #sharewithme

  8. says

    i would ask the school to keep an eye out – not yet intervening, just noting behavioural changes and any odd goings on. This way, if he’s not being bullied… you’re not making a big deal of it which then *could* lead to bullying!
    Aww i hope he’s alright xx
    Popped over for #sharewithme, would love if you came and said hi back @ xx

    • says

      Thank you for your great comments, he has just had the school holidays. Jake has been super relaxed but I can already see that he is be come tense. The school is aware of this and I will be chasing them for updates. Rachel x

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