The Outcome
Help required regarding School Incident
After writing my last post Talking to Children about drugs I never thought that talking with my eleven year old son would have been tested so soon.
Can I please ask any parent to read this as I am very shocked at what happened at my son’s school yesterday and would love any advice to help me resolve this and to alert you as this could happen to any child.
On Friday My son came out of School as normal, we didn’t get much time to chat as he had pre-ordered a game for his Xbox 360 and this was the day it was released and he had been so excited for days.
He came in, shoes off and ran upstairs to play his game, I didn’t fuss as I normally do with loads of questions like ‘Have you had a good day’, What lessons have you had’ and so on. I left him instead to play his game in peace.
Whilst he was upstairs and I was making the tea, I got a private message on Facebook from my cousin asking me if I was OK? I didn’t know what she meant but reading further into the message I felt sick with what I was hearing. Her son is in the same year as Jake, they are both in the first year at high school.
A friend of Jake’s had told him that someone in year 10 or 11 had offered Jake drugs at lunch time at school in the ICT suite. I felt really shook up but didn’t really believe it, I expected it was a little bit like Chinese whispers where something gets changed as the story passes on and it becomes very far-fetched.
I asked my cousin some more details before approaching Jake such as did he know the friend’s name ect.
When my husband came in from work I told him what I had heard and we went and spoke to Jake together, expecting it to be complete nonsense. We decided to approach him as if we already knew by saying ” Why didn’t you feel you could tell us about the boy offering you drugs today”?
I was gob smacked and felt sick when Jake said ” I thought they would tell you” they being school. I couldn’t believe it was actually true, Jake was in the ICT suite at Lunchtime where students go after they have eaten to go on the PC’s. A year 11 or maybe 10 teenager approached Jake with a packet in his hand that was white and as Jake described looked like a packet that stickers ( for sticker books) come in and the name began with ‘B’.
He told him they were a ‘legal drug’ that would make him ‘high’
After lunch Jake told a teacher what had happened which I am so proud of him for, he was taken to the assistant head teacher and made to look on the computer database to try to identify the teenager, unfortunately he couldn’t identify the boy.
I told Jake he was very brave going to a teacher, he told me this had been one of the two things he had worried about when he started high school, been offered drugs and the other being cigarettes.
I feel a complete mixture of emotions, I feel so angry and upset that someone aged around 15 or 16 would offer an 11-year-old drugs, If that wasn’t bad enough no one at School felt the need to telephone me and inform me of what was happening. I send him to school to be safe and not to feel scared.
I am also really worried that Jake didn’t mention anything to me, he was acting very stressed over a code missing from his new game but I didn’t think any deeper into it. Later that night he was also acting very quiet.
If I had not have been told, he could have been worrying himself with no support from me or his dad all weekend. I truly believe school have let Jake down, surely they have a duty of care to inform the parents if something like this happens. What if the child creates at home for what the parents think is no reason and they could have been more understanding if they had known they were stressed out about something.
I do not know what to do next, I feel I should speak to the school not only about what will happen next, but to find out why no one let me know what had happened. They have an on-site Police officer, but as far as Jake was aware she was not involved, well she didn’t speak to Jake.
I really need advice as what my mum and husband think I should do is completely opposite, My Mum thinks I should go into School on Monday and not send Jake back until it has been sorted, My husband thinks it should be left to the school to sort out.
I would appreciate any advice or comments that may help me to decide what to do on Monday and in General…..
What happened when I contacted School…….
Thank You all so much for your invaluable comments, It really helped me come to a decision as to what I was planning to do with the school.
I thought it would only be fair to give you all a quick update with what happened on Monday with my son’s school.
I telephoned school first thing on Monday Morning and asked to make an appointment to see the Head or assistant head that day. The lady in the office said that they normally do not put people straight through to the head, but first to the head of year, she also wanted a brief description of what I was calling about. I kept it brief and just said ” It is a drug issue with someone offering my son them on Friday.
Within a minute or so the Deputy Head was on the phone, able to chat with me on the phone instead of an appointment in the School. The deputy Head knew nothing about the incident and we talked things over, I stayed unbelievably calm which I was surprised about as I had felt anything but all weekend.
The deputy head said this was very serious and the only drug problem he had heard of in 15 years! He added even if it was a hoax, it would still be classed as bullying.
I expressed just how disappointed and upset I was that I hadn’t been contacted about this whole incident and how I felt very let down as I felt the school had a duty of care to inform me so I could be there to support him at home.
I asked if it was their policy to contact parents and I was utterly shocked when he said No and especially not if the Child didn’t seem too distressed, WHAT!!!
I brought up the fact that my 11-year-old had pointed out that we had all signed a parent, teacher, student agreement in his planner saying we would work together in a partnership. I did point out that in future I must be made aware of things that happen. The deputy head said he would get the head of the year who dealt with this on Friday to phone me and within an hour she had. She was very kind and apologized for not letting me know, I asked her the same question regarding what their policy is for contacting parents, this time I was given the complete opposite answer and she said that they nearly always contacted Parents over practically everything. She apologized for not contacting me, but she said Jake had been vague with his details and seemed ok in himself!
We made a plan of what Jake was to do next and that is if he sees the boy in question again to tell the teacher when lunch has ended and just point out where he was sat and not to approach him and ask him his name as he had planned to do.
I was worried the whole incident would have put Jake off doing ICT on his lunch break, I was happy that today he went back and didn’t let what had happened on Friday affect him too much.
I am still thinking of contacting the governors when this has passed to make sure the policy on telling parents is accurate and everyone is on the same page.
I am so happy I expressed my opinions clearly and confidently and didn’t waffle on too much, I couldn’t have done it without the support I got off so many people who left comments on my blog and Facebook Page, You made me feel that I was not alone.
Thank You Everyone, for your help and advice!
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I would if it was me go into school as I would want to know what they aere going to do about it. your son is very sensible and did the right thing.
Thanks for the advice, I don’t think I could cope if I didn’t go in to school. He is 11 but is very naive, always tries to do the right thing, Gets very good grades ect, He doesn’t have aspergers as he didn’t fully meet the criteria but has some parts like order and thinks very literal.
I’ve not been in the situation (mine are still little), but I’d try my best to let Jake carry on as usual- he’s sooooo done the right thing, he should be applauded for it (but imagining his age think just carrying on as usual is the same thing). For me, the school on the other hand, I would definitely be contacting them. At 5, 3, and 3, I get an accident report every time a child pushes them in the wrong direction (I’m exaggerating but…!), if my child gets a report when they are physically hurt, the same should be said of this, you as a parent need to support your child, and need to have the knowledge of anything which may affect their wellbeing, this, completely out of ‘usual’ context incident should have been brought to your attention, if nothing else but to allow you as a parent to best support your child. Given the impending weekend, and whether they consider it unfounded or not (the only possible excuse for not telling you) the school should have brought this to your attention as affecting Jake’s wellbeing. Sorry, I’ve waffled.
I’ve not been in the situation (mine are still little.
I’d try my best to let Jake carry on as usual- he’s sooooo done the right thing, he should be applauded for it (but imagining his age think just carrying on as usual is the same thing). For me, the school on the other hand, I would definitely be contacting them. At 5, 3, and 3, I get an accident report every time a child pushes them in the wrong direction (I’m exaggerating but…!), if my child gets a report when they are physically hurt, the same should be said of this, you as a parent need to support your child, and need to have the knowledge of anything which may affect their wellbeing, this, completely out of ‘usual’ context incident should have been brought to your attention, if nothing else but to allow you as a parent to best support your child. Given the impending weekend, and whether they consider it unfounded or not (the only possible excuse for not telling you) the school should have brought this to your attention as affecting Jake’s wellbeing. Sorry, I’ve waffled.
You have made so much sense, Thank you, It feels really nice to know it is just not me being over protective.I definitely think that as it was before a weekend it is even worse as he could have been upset and distressed all weekend without me even knowing why.Thanks again
School were informed about what happened yet didn’t inform you as parents – I’d be going in to have words!!
Sounds like your son is very sensible x
He is very sensible and I am proud but sad that he feels scared.Thanks for commenting and for the advice.School will not know what hit them Monday Morning.
I’ve not been in the situation (mine are still little.
I’d try my best to let Jake carry on as usual- he’s sooooo done the right thing, he should be applauded for it (but imagining his age think just carrying on as usual is the same thing).
For me, the school on the other hand, I would definitely be contacting them. At 5, 3, and 3, I get an incident report every time a child pushes them in the wrong direction (I’m exaggerating but…!), if my child gets a report when they are physically hurt, the same should be said of this, you as a parent need to support your child, and need to have the knowledge of anything which may affect their wellbeing.
This, completely out of ‘usual’ context incident should have been brought to your attention, if nothing else but to allow you as a parent to best support your child. Given the impending weekend, and whether they consider it unfounded or not (the only possible excuse for not telling you) the school should have brought this to your attention as affecting Jake’s wellbeing. Sorry, I’ve waffled.
I’m not a parent but my best friend from school ended up getting involved with drugs and it has ruined our 12 year long friendship. My advice from my experience would be to go into school but carry on sending Jake to school because he’s done nothing wrong. It’s clear he has his head screwed on properly so you can relax about it a bit. But obviously the way school handled the incident is ludicrous- you should have been involved and more should have been done.
However, I feel the need to stress that legal highs can be lethal. People tend to think these legal highs are harmless but in reality they can be much worse than anything illegal. My friend I have spoken about has taken a lot of ‘hard’ drugs; heroin, coke, ketamine. She has(surprisingly)only been hospitalised twice and both times she had taken legal highs.
Anyway, my point is that if they’re selling legal highs they’re probably making out like they’re not harmful. You may want to tell Jake this because I know when I was going through school I was never told about how harmful legal highs are.
Best Wishes x
I am appalled that the school did not tell you about it in any way. I definitely agree that you need to go into school on Monday and speak to the head, s/he has definitely failed you and your son. I would insist they also put something in writing about why they failed to notify you, just in case anything else happens in the future, always get everything in writing, or via email, you never know when you will need it. Also I would ask them what they will do to the boy in question if/when he is identified as this is a very serious offence, and demand they inform you once he is identified and what his punishment actually is! Drug pushing is so serious I think he should be expelled. I worked in a high school and also as a social worker with teenagers for many years, and nothing is more of a problem for schools as drug pushing, therefore they may be trying to brush it under the carpet as such publicity is very bad for a school and also hard to recover from.
I wouldn’t keep Jake off school though, unless the seller approaches him again. You have a wonderful, sensible and brave son, who did everything right, something to be very proud of.
I’m surprised that they couldn’t deduce who it was. Schools I’ve worked in have cctv in corridors and would’ve wound back to lunchtime when it happened to find out who was coming in/out and around at the time.
Anyway, I think you need to contact school to find out why they didn’t tell you what happened. They shouldn’t really interview your child and then send him home like everything’s normal.
I did ask about CCTV on the corridor but I don’t think I got a proper answer back for that one. I am so pleased so many people think he shouldn’t have been interviewed without a parent there or at least informed.
Oh my goodness!
Well done to Jake. He should be applauded for acting so maturely and going to the teacher. I would continue sending him to school. However! I would also be having serious words with the school. I would want to speak to the teacher involved, Jake’s form tutor and the Head. There is absolutely NO excuse for the school to have not told you!
Thanks for this comment. It is so nice to know people agree that there was absolutely NO excuse for the school not to have not told me.It makes me feel less of a neurotic mother.
I would not make drama in front of your son who seems sensible and has dealt with the situation well, but I would definitely make an app on Monday to see the headmaster to discuss the problem.I would not let it pass and ignore it This is serious stuff.
It was so hard but I made sure I kept the drama well away from him, my husband and you bloggers got my rants instead. Thanks for your comment.
That is terrible. I’m so sorry and I your son did the right thing, but surely the school should have told you and I’m quite surprised that there was no teacher to supervise the children with the PC’s. I would definitely have a word with the school x
I would definitely have to go and speak to the school. I too feel that they should have spoken to you about this and feel you are totally right to feel angry with them. Your son sounds very sensible and obviously did the right thing going to the teacher. I really hope you can get this sorted with the school and are left feeling better about the situation than you are now! What does your husband think should happen now? Good luck.
This must have been so shocking for you but it sounds like your son has been very sensible and done exactly the right thing. Agree with the others, don’t make a big deal out of it in front of your son but you need to speak to the school, you should have been told. My husband who is teacher says there should definitely have been a report made in school and if you don’t get anywhere with them complain to the Local Authority. I hope you get things sorted.
I know this happens in school but also try to think it might not have actually been drugs kids like to mess about and act all tough and hard once at my school a friend had some four in a bag and telling everyone it was cocaine. Unfortunately I don’t think there is much more you can do as school didn’t contact you or the police my guess is that it wasn’t drugs and that they aren’t too concerned. Maybe ring the school and discuss the incident and how you feel that they should of been the ones to inform you not another pupil.
I did just that , thanks for your comments. Hopefully it was a very cruel prank!
Hi! I have a little boy who is 4 (he has just started school), and even when they grow up, U still worry about them (even tho 11 is still little in my eyes)! You have a great boy, who did the right thing and told the teacher, but the school should have let you know!!!
I would be a mixture of sad, upset, shocked and very angry!!! U are right, that when they are at school we shouldn’t be having to worry about them and they have a duty of care, I would go to the school first thing Monday morning asking for answers and also asking for the matter to be taken further.
They should have class photos, maybe they could show a class photo of the older children and see if he can pick him out? Just an idea? Good luck and hope all goes well for you!
You sound so much like me, I felt so mixed up with loads of emotions all weekend I didn’t feel like I could concentrate on anything but ranting about it!
He did look through the Database of pictures, sometimes pupils change there looks… so he couldn’t identify him, he did say the boy goes to the same club at Lunch as him sometimes, so fingers crossed.
As a secondary teAcher I would fully expect jakes year head or head of house to have spoken to you as this is a serious incident. What a shame he was unable to identify the older boy.
I know I wish he would have been able to identify him too, although he did say the boy goes to the same club at Lunch as him sometimes. Thanks for commenting, appreciate it.
OMG I dread this happening to my children. You have done all the right things. You’ve got a good and sensible boy. Just hope I’ve given my children enough info to make the right choices
I am so glad too I have had the drugs talk with my boys and he was confident enough to approach someone in School to report this. I just hope his confidence in School has not gone because of the way it was dealt with.Thank you so much for your comment Jake is a sensible boy and I am very proud of him!
It amazes me that the school had not informed you of the incident and if it had been your son ‘selling’in school and got caught you most likely had the police knocking down your door. What also worries me is that there seem a possibility that the boy who was trying to sell to your son might not even be a student at the school and just an opportunist in a school uniform trying to sell. I hope you get to the bottom of this. I wouldn’t want to know this was happening in my daughters school
Nicole x
They have spoken to me but until the policies get corrected I will not feel completely confident that his well being and safety is properly looked after. Hope this is a one off and not the start of things to come in Schools. Thanks for your comment x
Not that I have children or have been in this situation, but I probably would have gone into the school, what a terrible thing to have happened x
I still do not feel settled about the whole matter, I think it will take time for me and Jake to trust them again, Thanks for your comment.
I will add my thoughts, the head staff seem to have different ideas and beliefs about what they should do, they are loco parentis and therefore as such should have informed you. Have a set policy of how to handle this, firstly to make you aware. Any other childcare organisation would, a childminder even.
I would be very alarmed if this had happened to mine and even more alarmed that the school seemed to disregard a serious incident, even chatting on the telephone is pretty lax.
I totally agree with you. When we all signed the student/teacher/pupil agreement I expected that this meant I was to inform them of any problems and Vice Versa. It isn’t sending out a good message to my son, I didn’t want a chat on the phone , I wanted to sit face to face and see their reactions to the things I said.I will definately be contacting the Governors to get there policies looked into, for Jake’s sake and everyone else at school.I will not feel confident that he is safe and feels safe until this is in place and I think going to the governors is the only way to get this done. Thank you so much for your comments you are totally right!
Oh my god, this is crazy! I was lucky to have gone to a girls school so they most any of the girls did was smoke and they always did it off site, I can’t imagine what this must have been like to hear 🙁
I hope he is ok!!
I know, Nothing like this happened when I was at school, just people smoking around the back of the building and that was normally year 10 and 11. It is scary that this is happening now.
I do think you need to contact the governors about this, it is very serious!! I think the staff need to know that if this happens and the kid isn’t as head strong as your son then the next time they could take the drugs and cause some serious harm!! xx
I completely agree with you, It is lovely to see so many people think like me on this, Jake is very headstrong, sometimes a bit too much but on this occasion just right!
I am contacting the Governors tomorrow. Thanks for your support.
I am soo pelase your son was tought well to not take drugs and inform an someone responsible if anyone offered him, you have done fabulously weldone for making the school aware that us as parents are entitled and should be informed of any thing involving our children is happening under their care x
Thanks Lisa, Oh the joys of secondary school and staff that do not communicate.Thanks for the message x
Oh wow. My daughter starts secondary school this year, and I never envisaged this kind of thing would happen to an 11 year old. Maybe I’m naive as to what goes on in secondary school nowadays! I think you’ve done the right thing though, the school definitely need to be aware and involve you in these kind of incidents. #pocolo
I really hope I haven’t worried you. I hope this is an isolated case. I too am a little Naive for what goes on that is why I was so shocked! I didn’t go to High school until I was 13. I am sure your little Girl will be fine. I am still going ahead with contacting the Govners just to make sure any parent is alerted if anything like this happens to their child.
Woah! This is madness!
I’m so glad I don’t have kids (and don’t want any for a very long time) with all the stresses that come with parenthood haha.
First off I can’t believe the school didnt contact you first anyway and I hope after talking to them that they will think more seriously about informing parents of such acts of bullying!
Secondly, you have an awesome kid! It’s completely admirable that he spoke to you truthfully and infact went and told the teacher too.
When I was in school I was lucky to be in a part of the country that uses the 3 tier schooling system meaning children of 11 are not around the older kids and this should be the case everywhere in my opinion.
A very insightful read and I look forward to having a longer look through your posts.
Best wishes,
Danielle.
Thanks for calling my son ‘an awesome Kid’, he really is! I think the 3 tier schooling system sounds like a great idea and obviously worked for you. I am more old school and we didn’t start high School until we were 13 years old which I think is better.
The sad thing is they don’t appear to be taking things more seriously since the incident happened.
I don’t feel very confident in the school at all now.
Firstly well done for keeping cool. I’m so sorry I hadn’t seen your first post but I think you did brilliantly by keeping the moral high ground and not acting like an OTT mother. I am very annoyed with the school on your behalf and had I been the head teacher I would have taken the matter much more seriously than they seem to be! I hope they get to the bottom of this. Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x
Thanks for your message, I am glad I let my head do the talking and not my heart, I have lost my faith in the school and this is a shame especially as he is only in Year 7 and has a long way left to go at School.