Your Best Friends vs the Bump
When I originally got pregnant for the first time, I did not I think (although a little naive) how having a child would change my life. The one thing that made me different from most of my friends at a young age was having a child, but I did not think about how this could separate us at the time. I remember actually becoming quite nervy telling my best friend at the young age of 17 that I was pregnant. The reaction was far from what I thought It would be but when I look back that amazement on her face was priceless. Another feeling I remember is the thought of being judged by my friend’s parents too, and this actually did happen with one of them at least, they did not see me as a good influence (The cheek). I must say the other parents took me under their wing by giving me advise and became like surrogate grandparents to my son.
Since we were teenagers me and my friends have all had extremely different personalities; If I were to compare myself in the group I would be Samantha Jones from Sex In The City, a little cliche I know but I think that programme did have some amazing characters, I think we all have a little bit of the characters personality from that show.
Now over the years, we still have that connection as we did when we were so young although living in different cities and living completely different lives. I sometimes think to myself what did I miss out on but then I always see what I have gained too. None of my friends from our little group has had children yet, and really, I do not think they even plan to, motherhood doesn’t suit everyone. Now one of my hang-ups at 17 was would I lose my best friend because I was entering the world of baby bottles and nappies, whilst my friends all continued their child-free lifestyles.
I feared at this age that my friends may begin to find me let us say a little boring to be around with me having baby bags and pushchairs to discuss rather than shoes and handbags. Maybe I would find them different too and see them as selfish, luckily I did not. It is so funny because I still wanted to go out and party with the girls, but this was not always an option although my mum did help tremendously at times. My friends really adapted to coming round to have a cuppa and a chat. In fact, to be honest, we actually became closer at times, which was lovely. Now just because we all live in different cities we still contact each other quite often and they take time out of their high-flying lifestyles to speak about mine and have amazing talks for hours.
It is great to hear what they are up to and talk about what their next big adventure will be. Now when I think about it, our lives are amazingly different but we all have moments we wish to share with each other in that way only real friends do with each other. I think what I am trying to say is if any upcoming mums read this I want to reassure you that you will never be alone. Do not get hung up on what your friends are going to think because they will adapt and if they don’t they are not a true friend, and to be honest, you will not miss that much although you will not think that now. When we all mature, our lives will continue to intertwine and our friends will more than likely be there for us just because you have a child or two does not change your personality too much, I see it like this you will always be you but a little wiser and a little stronger. Being a mum is the most amazing journey I have taken, I would not change this for the world. Your kids will not only bring you all the joy you can imagine but they will introduce more people into your life with interest the same as yours.
5 Top tips for involving your friends.
1. Keep your friends involved with your children as long as they want to be.
2. Do not worry what others may think of you, you being a mummy is right and that is all that matters.
3. Enjoy yourself, just because you are a mummy now does not mean you cannot still enjoy spending a little child-free time with your friends.
4. Be honest If you cannot go somewhere with your friends do not worry; you will always have another chance to do nice things with them in the future.
5. When you see your friends take the time to listen to what is going on in their lives.
What tips can anyone else give add to this topic, comment below.
I was the last of my friends to have children. Not through choice though. I’d rather have had mine years ago, but I didn’t meet the right person until later on. I remember feeling quite left out because all my friends had babies and were talking about all things children, and I didn’t have a lot in common with them. Fortunately now I’ve re-discovered some friendships and strangely, we like to talk about non-child stuff instead now!
I never even seem to have time to take a shower these days never mind anything else, I miss my friends and having a social life. Sometimes life just seems to take over.
In my opinion, if your friends don’t want to make time for you and your bump then they aren’t real friends. I don’t have any kids but I love my best friends little boy, he’s just an addition to our relationship family!
Real friends will come to you and help you out when you are busy with family life. They become part of your family and support you.
Great Post Rach! Keep ’em coming!
Kate H (UK Bloggers)
I find motherhood really isolating, I didn’t lose any friends as I don’t have any where I live but at baby groups I get ignored my friends with children all live miles away too.
To be honest i prefer not to have friends around so much do not have time. And i do not really miss them if i am to be honest once you have a family that is all you need well thats just my opinion lol.
None of my close friends have children yet, but one is married and another (like me) is engaged. I know I don’t want children and im always worried that if the rest of the group has kids that they will slowly start pulling away. They still are, and always will be my friends, and their children will be like family to me. So I guess for anybody out there worried that their childless friends wont want to be around them, rest assured, we do!
Love this post! i’m on the other end, and the friend with no kids… A lot of times I feel left out when my friends and sisters get talking about their kids… Hearing about kids all the time can be really boring.. I know their proud but come on…. lets talk about something other than kids….
I was the last of my friends to have children as well, but it lead me on a path to meet new friends. In the end the timing was right, and I now have an even bigger circle of friends.
Ha, you look a little like that actress too! How fun!
When I got my baby boy I lesser my party time with friends. I’d rather spend my extra time with him than enjoying but sometimes I go with them while my little boy is with me. To let them mingle and to know each other too.