Every year women across the world are about to or trying to have a second child. I struggled with these feelings and I am sure you maybe doing so too. When you find out your having a second baby, your mind goes into overdrive. What will make first child think? How will I cope with two chidren? How is this going to make me feel? All valid questions and hopefully I will address some of your worries in this post. I have told this story from the heart because I know that it may well help other parents with burning questions.
My First thoughts my Second Baby
When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I endured countless hours of lost sleep worrying that I could never love this child as much as my first. Shockingly, I had planned to have my second baby, I had tried for months to get pregnant, yet when I found out I was actually pregnant the worry crept in.
My first child was nearly five years old when I got pregnant and by the time I was three months gone he was just starting Primary School. I wondered how I would cope with such massive changes to our home and lifestyle seriously I was so nervous, when I think back.
How can I love this unborn child as much as my First son?
I started questioning myself on a daily basis, I asked myself how I would feel towards the second baby I was carrying? I even succumb to the fact that I could never love this child as much as my first son, I mean how could I? I had given all my love to this one little boy for five years, I suppose it’s normal to wonder how I would feel about this new baby, who would be taking up more time in our lives.
I continued to have Fears
As my pregnancy progressed so did my anxiety, I loved my first son so much, he was my world and I hated the fact he had started School and missed him tremendously. When my due date came, I even put off going into hospital until I had purchased my son a football kit he had been wanting, I remember being in the early stages of labour in the Leeds United Football shop. I can even remember being in so much pain, I threw my purse at my mum to pay whilst I was doubled over in pain. It didn’t stop there, I still felt I couldn’t go into the hospital until I had packed my son off with his Auntie and Grandad for a day out at ‘The Deep in Hull. Hours later, with my bag ready I then allowed myself to go to the hospital and let proceedings commence!
Now I just know how silly I was at the time when I arrived at the hospital and I was admitted I was already 8cm dilated, once my waters had been broken it was only 10 minutes later until my second son was born. With no time for pain relief and I suppose a lot of shock at the speed he had arrived, I can remember not actually holding my little bundle of joy at first. I needed medical intervention due to blood loss and the nurses said I was in shock. Still I feel like a bad mother for saying I asked for a cup of tea and toast whilst my husband sat nursing our new little addition to the family.
I didn’t get the chance to instantly bond with my son, I think my head was in a complete mess, I felt an enormous feeling of guilt that I was not with my son because I was in hospital having another baby, would he his grandparents feeling resentful, I asked myself.
I can remember in the last few month’s of my pregnancy purchasing Toys, sweets and nick knacks to give to my son as a gift from his new brother. I kept worrying that my first child would feel neglected, as my new baby would need lots of attention from me and he would feel the baby would be taking all my love.All that worry for Nothing!
Now I realise looking back nearly twelve years on, Just how much I had worried for nothing. I didn’t just love my new little bundle of joy, he was now my world too, My world had just got that little bit bigger! Don’t get me wrong, there were bumps along the way. Sibling jealousy trying to find a happy balance as parents, spending time with both my boys on there own and all together as a family. I still found it really hard dropping my son off at school and then spending the day alone with my baby, enjoying our quality time together whilst feeling guilty for doing so. However, I gradually started to realise I had spent the same time with my first son, giving him all my love and attention.
My Boys are my World
Both my boys are my world. I love them both exactly the same, yet at the same time in different ways. My children are both so unique and require my love in very different ways, having two very people with different personalities to love. They have both opened up my heart more than they would ever know showing me that I can love them both and not be without them for a single second. It’s so hard to imagine at first that you can have this unconditional love for more than one child, but if you are experiencing these kind of feelings. Please rest assured that you will regret feeling that way, and you will truly over come all the worries you have, when the new little one arrives. I am sure there are other parents who have been in the same situation, or maybe going through these feelings right now.
Please don’t bottle them up, if you want to talk to someone about your worries, please feel free to email myself at [email protected] or comment here and see what others have to say.